It’s a new dawn, new day

I had a date tonight.  We ate cheese, drank wine, laughed, and talked a lot. Will I see him again? I doubt it.  He’s a lovely guy and on paper he’s pretty much the perfect match. But… Chemistry. That elusive spark. Not there.

Sometimes I think I’m single because my expectations are too high.  Sometimes I think they aren’t high enough. I want a soulmate. Someone who champions me, believes in me, loves me unconditionally and can tell me to rein it in.  I know they exist; several close friends have found theirs. There’s always hope.

What I don’t want is someone with so much emotional baggage that we can’t carry it between us.  Someone so involved in their own drama that they can’t see anything else.

I ran into an ex and his current girlfriend last week at a party. Those who knew we’d dated were being all over-dramatic about it, waiting (hoping?) for fireworks. We disappointed them; had a hug and a quick catch up then moved on.  I thought it was entertaining and was pleased to see him happy.  She seems a challenge, but I liked her.  It reminded me of why we didn’t work out and reaffirmed that not “settling” is the best road for me.

I know what I don’t want. I sometimes think I know who I want, but then talk myself out of it.  What I do know is hope springs eternal. And, to quote Nina Simone, this old world is a new world and a bold world; I’m feeling good.

A different corner

After an excellent Saturday evening and night away for a friend’s birthday and anniversary night out, I had another first date on Sunday evening.  This was with a chap I’d met on the free dating site I was on last year.  He’d contacted me in the autumn and we’d chatted online, and on the phone, and had agreed to meet. However it just didn’t happen then.

He randomly got in touch last week and suggested we meet up.  We agreed to meet on Sunday for a drink in the evening at Lakeside’s boardwalk – it’s a restaurant/bar complex attached to a large out-of-town shopping centre, so there’s lots of places to choose from.

I knew he was a bit younger than me – about the same age as CSG it turns out – lives in Essex and works in banking in the city.   He turned up, and on time, which was a good start.  He wasn’t particularly smartly dressed, but his clothes were all Hollister and the like so he clearly takes an interest in what he wears.  He was wearing a camouflage jacket (by Hollister) which was a bit strange as CSG wears one all the time.  His is from when he was in the army, rather than a “fashion” one, but a bit unnerving all the same.

Banker boy was very sweet – and clearly a bit nervous – but there definitely wasn’t any spark from my perspective.  He wasn’t very decisive, and I kept having to decide which place we were going to go to, where to sit, if we were eating or just having a drink etc.  It grated after a while.

Although the conversation wasn’t too stilted, it was a bit of an effort at times.  The age gap with him really showed I felt, and we just really didn’t have all that much in common; he was really dismissive about my job, which didn’t help his case!  He also lives at home, having moved back with his parents after breaking up with his last serious girlfriend.  I did know that prior to meeting, but hadn’t realised how long he’d been there – and that he’s not in any hurry to move back out.

I made my excuses after 90 minutes and left (it seemed much longer!).  Not a good indicator of a successful date.  He got in touch on Monday to suggest meeting again, but I tactfully declined.  Oh well. No harm in trying; you never know what’s around that corner.

Tales of the unexpected 

So, tonight was “work date” with CSG. Sadly not wearing the suit he’d been in all day. I get to the pub (where else? Although it was one I’d mentioned being my favourite in the area a while back) & he’s with another woman. Outrageous! I did wonder for a millisecond if he’d invited his girlfriend as company.

Turns out she was a colleague he’s been working on a project with; he was very quick to establish that he’s single. Intros over, she left fairly quickly. I sat opposite him & he started to interview me, after a trip to the bar for a bottle of wine. Interesting as he’d wanted to discuss a job vacancy with me. I answered most of his questions, then turned it around to the job. The look of surprise made me realise this was more date than work. Yes I’m slow on the uptake….

Second bottle of wine led to more personal questions, and him insisting I move to sit next to him. Date territory definitely ensued.  He’s far more observant than I gave him credit for.  It was surprising for me how comfortable I felt with it. I don’t “do” work relationships, so this was totally new ground for me.  We did discuss how we work together from now on; “fight club” rules pretty much sums it up . Suits me for now. If it progresses I’ll have to fess up to my boss, which isn’t something I look forward to. Will be interesting to see how it pans out. He seemed to be pretty frank & open about his life to date though, so even my hard, cynical heart made some space for him.

No definite plans for our next out of office encounter, although I think we both would like it to be away from work turf! I’ll keep you posted.